


3AM in the Canned Food Aisle

by phoenixyfriend



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Comedy, Everyone in this scene is bi, F/F, Fluff, Holiday Shopping, Karin knows what Suigetsu did to get arrested again, Naruto wants to give Kakashi dog food, Noodle Incidents, Sleep Deprivation, useless bisexuals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28474521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend/pseuds/phoenixyfriend
Summary: 'Twas the week of Thanksgiving, and all through the aisles... two dorks were trying to figure out how to prepare for a potluck.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruko, Haruno Sakura/Karin, Karin & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	3AM in the Canned Food Aisle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonpyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonpyre/gifts).



> RATED T for depiction of semi-voluntary sleep deprivation (long work hours), references to off-screen violence in a noodle incident, and discussions of student debt.  
> \----  
> Written for sloaners' (beetlebee's) Secret Santa 2020, gift recipient dragonpyre!
> 
> Prompts:  
> Your Holiday of Choice (except Christmas): Thanksgiving  
> 3 Favorite Characters: Sakura, Naruto, ~~Kakashi~~  
>  2 Favorite Pairings (ship or gen included, optional): Sakura/Karin, Sakura & Naruto bros  
> 1 Favorite Trope (Holiday): exasperated retail worker  
> 1 Favorite Trope (Non-Holiday): ridiculous reason for arrest (fighting a mall santa for example)  
> 1 Prompt Sentence: "Hey but at least it's not raining"  
> Anything quick you want to add (a fun comment, a personal preference, anything you'd rather not have, etc)?: fluff pleeeeeeease. i'm a sucker for that sorta thing

“That’s only appropriate for the _dogs,_ Naru!”

“Is not!”

He pouts at her, and she lets her head drop against his shoulder. The supermarket lights glare down at them, and she squeezes her eyes shut against them. She should probably sleep more. It’s like… three in the morning. She’s not even sure why this store is open 24 hours, but it works for the graveyard shift sleep schedules she and Naruto have both ended up on. “I agree that we should get the treats, but only bringing that would be, just, oh my _sage,_ so rude.”

When Naruto talks, though, his voice rumbles up into her head and it’s weirdly nice. “Not as rude as Sai.”

“That’s such a low bar.”

“Or Sasuke.”

“Still a _really_ low bar.”

“Besides, Kaka-sensei eats dog treats all the time!”

“Naruto…” Sakura whines, letting her head roll from side to side against his shoulder. It’s like a really bad massage. “It’s a Thanksgiving potluck. We’re supposed to bring, like, home-cooked potatoes or something. Bake a pie. Make soup.”

“Sakura-chan, you can’t cook.”

“Shut up, I can too.”

“Yeah, but it’s all gross health food.”

“I’m a doctor!”

Naruto pats her head, condescendingly consoling. “It’s okay, Sakura. We love you even if you can’t cook worth a damn. I’ll do the cooking for Sensei’s party. We know it’s a ploy to get free food out of all of us anyway.”

“I know.”

“And Gai will probably bring more than the rest of us combined.”

Sakura giggles. “At least he knows the value of healthy food.”

“Sakura, I love you, and you’re the best roommate I could have asked for,” Naruto says, “but if you try to make me eat a nutritionally-balanced Thanksgiving dinner, I’m going to cry on you like great-great-uncle Hashirama.”

“Ew, don’t you dare.”

Naruto absently pats her cheek, and then says, “okay, so like… let’s just get some treats for the dogs and move on to… I dunno… yams? Are yams a thing people do for Thanksgiving?”

“Do you know how to prepare yams?”

“No.”

“And you’re the one preparing the food we’re bringing.”

“Yeah.”

“So should we get canned yams if you don’t know how to prepare them?”

“…shut up.”

Sakura stands up straight as Naruto flounces off like the drama queen he is, laughing to herself with a hand over her mouth. Naruto keeps pushing the cart through the aisle, frowning at the canned foods with the kind of overly-intense concentration that makes him look more constipated than anything. Quite frankly, she isn’t sure how he can even see when he squints that hard, but he’s been doing it for as long as she’s known him… which is over twenty years at this point.

Jeez.

“I don’t _know…”_ Naruto dithers. “Do you think Sensei would like it if we did some weird fifties recipe as a joke?”

“If you put pineapple slices in jello as a joke food, I’m going to give you a swirly,” Sakura tells him. “No joke, I _will_ dunk your head in the toilet.”

“Sakura-chaaaaaan,” Naruto whines. “We’re not fifteen anymore!”

“That also wouldn’t work,” a new voice says, dry as the desert. Sakura blinks and turns, and the employee looks about as unimpressed with them as she sounds. “Pineapple contains an enzyme called bromelain; it’ll break down the gelatin before you can—”

“KARIN!”

Oh wow, that’s definitely a Naruto’s-too-excited-to-see-you body tackle hug.

“Get _off!”_ the woman snarls, ineffectively pushing at Naruto for a few seconds, and then just giving up and letting him hug her. “God, you’re the _worst.”_

“I haven’t seen you in _forever!”_ Naruto crows. They’re getting looks from other customers, and Sakura tries to look like she doesn’t know him. It doesn’t work, but at least there are only a handful of people in the store, and the people that wandered over to look at the yelling move on pretty quickly. Nobody wants to get held up at three in the morning. “What the hell, you didn’t tell me you were in town!”

“Because I knew you’d _do_ this,” the woman—Karin?—grumbles. “Stop _hugging_ me, you’re gonna _break_ something.”

“What are you _doing_ here?” Naruto asks, stepping back and bouncing on his toes in a way that should be illegal for three in the morning.

“Working, dumbass.”

Naruto is completely unaffected by the insult. “I thought you were working on your postdoc.”

“I am, but I still need to make rent, so… part-time it is,” Karin says, gesturing around.

“Couldn’t Granny—”

“I ain’t takin’ charity from Tsunade.”

“Dude, she’s family.”

“Yeah? And?” Karin challenges. “Besides, I’m not using family money to pay ‘Getsu’s bail.”

Naruto blinks. Sakura tilts her head in fascination.

“What did Suigetsu do?”

“Fought a mall Santa.”

“…it’s _November.”_

Karin shrugs. She doesn’t seem to care much. “Have you been to the mall? They started doing Christmas dec back in October, and Suigetsu could pick a fight with a _houseplant.”_

“Okay, but November.”

“Hoes be ho-ho-hoing.”

Sakura can’t stop the surprised laugh that comes out as more of a snort. Karin looks smug for a moment, then turns back to Naruto.

Naruto mostly just looks kinda constipated. “How high was his ba—”

“He bit Santa.”

“…what.”

“He bit Santa,” Karin repeats. “You’ve seen Suigetsu’s teeth, right?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Stitches.”

Sakura stares. Her brain tries to process that.

“Wait, _you know the guy that got rabid Kris Kringle?”_

“What the _actual_ hell are you talking about?” Karin asks.

Sakura tries to gesture. “I—there was a—I work at the hospital. I usually do major surgeries, but people were gossiping in the break room about a Santa worker who came in and needed stitches from some kinda bite. None of the people who actually worked on the guy were there, so consensus was that it was probably some rabid animal. You’re telling me it was a person?”

“You called him rabid Kris Kringle?” Karin asks, head tilted. “That’s… actually, yeah, that tracks.”

“Well, we called the Santa that,” Sakura admits. “I, uh… is that a normal occurrence?”

“Unfortunately,” Karin says. She doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it. “But, I mean, hey, we all get, like, arrested for pulling a knife in a bar fight or two at _some_ point, right?”

“No,” Naruto says immediately. “That’s just you and Suigetsu.”

“Alright, fair, Juugo doesn’t count,” Karin concedes. “But please remember the felonies.”

“The what now?” Sakura asks, feeling suddenly and entirely out of her depth.

Naruto laughs nervously. “Uh, remember when Sasuke kinda went off the deep end? So, he and Karin were friends during that whole… thing. She ran the numbers or whatever.”

“Please, as if that’s all I did,” Karin snorts.

“Isn’t most of what you did under a heavily-enforced government NDA these days?” Naruto squeaks.

Karin shrugs. “Eh. My point was mostly that Sasuke was committing actual felonies instead of public disturbances or assault and battery.”

Sakura thinks this is a concerningly unconcerned response for what seems like a very serious matter. The whole thing feels a little absurd, and she’s not entirely convinced that she’s not dreaming. She pats Naruto’s upper arm. “Is this actually happening?”

“Uh, yeah? Why wouldn’t it be?”

She takes a moment to do the math. She maybe sways on the spot for a moment.

“I haven’t slept in thirty-seven hours,” Sakura says. “And I only had a four-hour nap before that.”

“Holy shit, Sakura,” Naruto yelps. “Why didn’t you stay in the car, oh my _Sage,_ I can shop on my own, ya know!”

Karin stares at the two of them for a long moment, and then asks, “you work at a hospital?”

“Uh, yeah.”

 _“While_ sleep-deprived?”

“Energy drinks,” Sakura says. “But we don’t exactly have enough staff to avoid it.”

Karin looks between the two of them and then checks her watch. “Right, okay, I’m actually off in five so I’m going to take pink nurse girl—”

“I’m a _doctor.”_

“—to the front to sit down on one of the benches we have for the elderly,” Karin continues, “and Naruto can finish up the shopping.”

“But Sakura wanted to tell me when I was doing something dumb,” Naruto protests.

“Oh, for the love of—listen, I’ll text you Nagato’s pie recipe, does that work?”

“P-probably?” Naruto says

“Cool. Go get some flour and other basics while I walk, what was it, Sakura? Yeah, while I walk Sakura over,” Karin says, and then shoos Naruto off. She goes to take Sakura by the shoulders, then hesitates. “Er, am I allowed to…”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t,” Sakura says. “Um, but… okay, yeah, I should probably sit down.”

“Atta girl,” Karin mutters, and Sakura can’t help but giggle. “Come on, I’ll get you seated and like… maybe a cup of water?”

“Probably a good idea,” Sakura says. She drops gratefully onto the bench when they get there, and regrets it almost immediately. The bench is metal. Her tailbone hurts.

“Stay there,” Karin orders, and then wanders off for a minute. She comes back with a bottle of water and a candy bar. “Here. Calories. Should’ve asked if you were allergic, but I can just give it to Naruto if you can’t eat it.”

“I’m good,” Sakura says, opening the candy bar. “Sorry to, uh, meet you like this? I usually try to look a bit better when I meet pretty girls.”

The answering silence is deafening.

Sakura ducks her head.

“Oh, now I _know_ you’re sleep-deprived as hell,” Karin mutters. She crouches down and peers at Sakura’s eyes. “Sure you don’t have a concussion?”

“Because I called you pretty?” Sakura asks. “I mean, I don’t think I should have been that blunt, probably.”

“Girl, I haven’t washed my hair in five days and I’m working graveyard shift at a supermarket the week of Thanksgiving,” Karin says, voice dry. “I know I look like hell.”

“Then maybe I should… uh…” Sakura trails off, frowning at her lap. “I was going to make a joke about committing some crimes to go to hell as a weird pickup line but that’s dumb.”

“Yeah.”

“Especially ‘cause you said you’re a felon.”

“Eh, we were teenagers being manipulated by multiple old assholes,” Karin dismisses. “We got acquitted. Committed felonies but not technically felons. Most of my actual rap sheet is… other stuff.”

“That’s really ominous phrasing.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Karin tells her. “Drink your water.”

Sakura does so.

“What are you studying?” Sakura asks, after a few sips. “Naruto said you were doing postdoctoral research? So you already have a degree.”

“Several, yes,” Karin says. She sighs. “I’m in pharmaceuticals. Mostly digestive right now, but I’m hoping to find a position doing drug development for mood disorders since my focus in school was neuroscience and… anyway. It actually _does_ pay well, but I’ve got a lot of student debt, so I’ve gotta pull this to make ends meet without going in on family money.”

Sakura winces. “I can imagine.”

“Let me guess, parents set up a college fund?”

“Full ride, actually,” Sakura says. She flashes a grin at Karin. “Still had to pay for med school, but… okay, yeah, I did have my parents helping out on that one.”

“Impressive,” Karin says. “Do I need to go check on my cousin or should I assume he’s fine?”

Sakura shrugs. “He makes out okay, usually.”

“Mm,” Karin says. She peers at Sakura. “You…”

“Hm?”

“You _actually_ think I’m pretty,” Karin says, sounding far more surprised than Sakura thinks she should. “Huh.”

“Well, yeah?” Sakura offers. “You’ve got really nice bone structure, and your hair is, like, _wow.”_

Karin’s cheeks pink. “You really mean that.”

“Yeah! And the attitude,” Sakura says, figuring she might as well go all-in. “You seem _super_ dry-humor-y.”

“And _you_ seem punch-drunk,” Karin mutters, but the blush doesn’t leave her cheeks. “I should, uh, make sure that Naruto got that pie recipe.”

Sakura lets her do that. The quiet background noise of the supermarket leads to her eyes fluttering shut, and Sakura takes a bite of the candy bar to give herself something to focus on that isn’t how much her head is nodding.

“Dude, you good?” Karin asks, and when Sakura opens her eyes, Karin’s hand is hovering uncertainly over her shoulder. “Uh—”

“Can I take you on a date?” Sakura blurts out.

The flush in Karin’s cheeks is practically glowing.

“U-um, I don’t—I mean I-I think that—uh—” Karin claps a hand over her mouth and squeezes her eyes shut, and visibly takes in a deep breath through her nose. She drops her hand, and Sakura absently notes that her shoulders are pinched up tight towards her ears, fists at her sides. “That would be really nice, thanks!”

Sakura grins, and thinks to herself, _nice._

“So—”

“I should go check on Naruto!”

Karin storms off, and Sakura blinks.

Okay, then.

Sakura leans back and lets her head fall against the cold, whitewashed cement blocks of the wall. She maybe drifts off a bit.

“Heyyyyyy, Sakura-chan.”

Somebody shakes her shoulder.

“Mm, no,” she grumbles, because even if she’s usually pleasant enough in the morning, it’s… uh…

“Sakura-chan, c’mon, it’s like super late,” Naruto chides. “You can sleep in the car. I’ll drive.”

“You need help getting her there?” Karin’s voice floats over. “I can carry the bags if that would make things easier. My shift’s over anyway.”

“Thanks, nee-chan!”

“Ugh, don’t _call_ me that.”

Sakura idly thinks about arguing when Naruto picks her up in a bridal carry, but he’s warm and solid and there are few people she trusts as much as him. She tucks her head against his shoulder and lets the slight rocking motion of being carried lull her back into a hazy half-sleep.

“Hey,” Naruto says cheerily, shifting her around in his arms. “At least it’s not raining!”

“It’s almost four in the morning, you dweeb,” Karin says. “You parked like two spaces away from the entrance.”

“Yeah, but this way I have more time to figure out how I’m getting the car keys without dropping Sakura,” Naruto says.

Sakura hears this, barely, and takes a second to process.

She rolls out of Naruto’s arms and lands on her feet, mostly. She kind of drops to one hand on the asphalt, which isn’t great for her palm, _ow,_ but she’s pretty sure she looks cooler than Naruto’s sudden flailing screech.

“You don’t get to drop me,” she accuses, jabbing a finger at him. “Only I get to… wait.”

“Sakura-chan, you _scared me!”_

“It is nowhere near early enough for this to be funny,” Karin groans. “Naruto, get your car unlocked before your roommate passes out.”

Naruto snips something back at Karin, but digs through his pockets for the keys. Sakura leans against the car and tries to look like a badass. She has it on good authority that she’s usually got ‘badass’ nailed down pat. Most of that authority is Ino’s, and that’s as high an authority as Sakura can get, for aesthetics.

Karin does not look impressed.

“Hey,” Sakura says, trying to sound suave.

Karin continues to not look impressed.

“Friday at seven sound good?” She tries. “Not this Friday, because, uh, Thanksgiving, but next Friday?”

“I’ve got an early morning shift here on Saturday,” Karin says, and her cheeks are pinking again. Score! “How’s Thursday? The pharma job is usually a nine to five, I just got this week off for the holiday.”

Sakura grins and bounces on her toes. She lightly smacks at Naruto’s shoulder to get him to pay attention. He probably already was. She doesn’t care. “Thursday sounds great! Probably. My head’s a bit messy. Naruto, am I working Thursday?”

Karin must be _very_ unimpressed, but Sakura’s getting a _date_ with a cute redhead, one that her best dude friend knows well enough that she can pester him for gift ideas and—

“Oh hey, I found the schedule!” Naruto says. He has Sakura’s phone in his hands. “Your calendar is clear for Thursday, and you don’t have an early morning the next day!”

Karin smirks. “That seals it. You can pick me up, _Sakura._ Naru knows where I live.”

“Why do you have to make it sound so _weird?”_ Naruto whines, and then yelps when Sakura leans into him. “Are you passing out? Please don’t pass out!”

“I’m not passing out,” Sakura mutters. “But I’m… maybe not super good to stand right now.”

“Well, the bags are in your trunk,” Karin says. Huh. When did that happen? “So just… get in and go home?”

“Do you need a ride?” Naruto asks, even as he guides Sakura over to the passenger side.

“Nah, the bus is going to be here in ten minutes, and I live in the opposite direction,” Karin dismisses. “See you next month when Hashirama makes us do mandatory family time again.”

“Not if I hunt you down first!” Naruto enthuses, bright as anything as he stuffs Sakura into her seat. She barely even hears Karin’s response.

“Now _you’re_ the one making it weird.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope I did the prompt justice!  
> [fingerguns and ollies out]  
> You can find me at phoenixyfriend.tumblr.com


End file.
